you can't keep a good girl down

Some things hurt so bad that the only way to let go and get on with life is to stuff them into a chest deep within your heart, lock the chest and throw away the key. Hopefully, as time goes by, the chest grows dusty, maybe covered with cobwebs, and as more time passes, the cobwebs shroud it so completely that the chest (and whatever's inside) ends up forgotten. Or perhaps, if enough time passes, whatever lies within the chest decays and turns to dust - little bits of nothingness - so opening the chest reveals just that - nothing.

The chest I'm opening is still very full.

The whole B.Ong/renovation con/embezzlement issue is, once again, alive and rearing its ugly head in my life. Ad's contacted the police to press them for developments after an entire year's nonaction on their part. We'll be heading to the station in approximately 7 hours to talk to our investigating officer (IO).

I can't sleep. I don't know what to think, don't know what to feel.

We heard from our IO that B.Ong wants to pay us back the money. But he made similar promises one year ago! The same old lies lies lies. Paying back the money he stole is not going to give me back this past year. I remember how I slogged just to make the extra money I needed - money I needed because he stole from us. I remember how I cried on my birthday just thinking of what he did. I remember how I put locks on our doors because I was afraid of unwanted visitors. I remember... and it hurts still. No, money will not satisfy me. Not this time. Not anymore.

He cannot be allowed to go scot-free. The case must be pursued. But I'm in no state to handle this - not now. For the past few weeks, my world has encompassed only these: my husband, my household, the impending arrival of my baby, my loved ones. All else has faded - gone the way of "stuff-I-can't-deal-with-right-now". I just have no energy for anything else. Dealing with this issue one year ago took so much out of me. How am I supposed to handle this now?

Take today, for example. After a year of inactivity, we received a flurry of calls from the IO - while we were in the cinema, no less! Poor Ad had to exit and re-enter 3 times just to answer his calls. And for what purpose? Mindless "he-said-this, he-said-that" nonsense. B.Ong is an unrepentant liar. And our IO wastes precious time and energy bouncing his lies to us - we refute them, B.Ong comes up with more lies, and so it goes. It was like that a year ago, it was like that again today. How long must I put up with this?

I just don't understand. The police have got all the evidence - the falsified receipts, the insolvency search results - it's practically open-and-shut! But no, I must get tormented every day.

I walked into spiderwebs to reopen this chest. And now the webs cling to me - sticky, entangling, irritating threads that I just can't shake off, no matter how hard I try.