you can't keep a good girl down

6 am in the morning - I should be sleeping, given that I'm so tired, but perversely I can't.

It's my first night alone at home with baby - Hunny's back at work, and he's on the night shift. I had a bit of an emo moment just now when he went off to work - a bit teary. You'd think it would be because I would be all alone with baby, but actually no. It was the sight of him in his uniform - something I haven't seen for the past two weeks as he's been at home with me - a familiar sight, so welcome, yet so different.

Everything is different now. We sleep early and wake up early. 90% of our conversation is about the baby. We watch silent TV these days. It's hard to eat a meal together. Free time is precious - we hop into bed and sleep as much as we can.

I expected all this. But what I didn't expect is missing Hunny so much. It's funny, isn't it? He's been on leave the past two weeks, being my "confinement man", but I do miss him.

There's this joke between us - somehow after delivery, Hunny seems to look different to me. No, it's not a change in countenance I'm referring to, it's a physical alteration of features. Somehow, he looks different. His face - it looks longer. His eyelashes - longer. Cheeks - thinner. Bones - more prominent. Skin - rougher. We joke that I gekked too hard during pushing and something happened to my eyes...

So, when I saw him in his work attire, smelling as usual of Fahrenheit and other more subtle male scents, I was a bit overwhelmed - happy of course that he's back to "normal", sad because I didn't want him to leave. And like I mentioned, things are different now. Him leaving for work used to be mundane, now it reminds me of what we used to have but don't anymore, and what we have now that we hadn't before.

But some things don't change - I still don't sleep well when he's not here.