Just a few days ago, I asked Hunny, "How is it I love her so much when I've only met her 6 days ago?"
He replied, "6 days ago? You've been waiting to meet her your whole life..."
And he's right.
The past few days have been such an emotional roller coaster for us. First there was the exhilaration of meeting our sweet baby, then came the horrible worry and pain. Baby Cherise was discharged from the hospital with slight jaundice. We were given instructions to sun her each day and return two days later for a check up. But the next two days were cloudy, and during whatever little sunny period there was, Cherise would fuss and cry. She's like me, see - she hates the sun. She's a "hot baby" - perspires easily, prefers the cool to the warm, gets red and mottled from the heat very easily.
So when we went back to the paediatrician, she told us that Cherise's bilirubin levels had gone up and we had two options - to either have her admitted to hospital, or rent a phototherapy bed and treat her at home. We chose to rent the bed - but oh the pain that followed!
The bed is a horrible contraption. Cherise was supposed to stay on the bed for 3 days - all the time, except when we are feeding or changing her.
Because the surface that she lies on is non-breathable, she gets so hot and sticky after just a little while. And the eyeband that she has to wear irritates her. When the bed arrived and we put her on it, Hunny and I just broke down - it was so painful, knowing that she had to endure the discomfort and we couldn't do anything about it because we wanted her to get better.
We decided not to follow the doctor's instructions - 3 days on the bed was crazy! So we would put her on when she was sleeping peacefully, and take her off an hour later. We wouldn't strap on the eyeband, but rest it against her eyes instead. Someone would watch her at all times to make sure it didn't fall off. We would also parade in front of the windows in our living room when there was sun, carrying her so that she wouldn't fuss.
All very labour intensive.
But it's all over now. Praise God - when we took her for her checkup today, her levels had gone down, and we no longer needed that horrid bed. I complained to the doctor that the bed was uncomfortable for the baby - and the doctor actually told us of another new bed which a number of other babies were using for home phototherapy, for which the eyeband wasn't required. I was thinking, "Why tell us only NOW??? Grrr.."
So, it's been a rough few days. I knew it wasn't going to be easy - and I was all prepared for sleepless nights, for physical and mental exhaustion, but nobody, nobody told me it would hurt this bad. I suppose Hunny and I still have some "toughening up" to do, but for now, I'm just a big softie learning how to be stronger emotionally.
Yes - Baby Cherise is here!! Sorry I'm a bit late in updating here, but it's been crazy this past week. Today, I've finally gotten some time to blog... I'm not complaining though! :)
So here's what happened -
Saturday, 14 July:
Wee hours of the morning: Having some contractions - not quite like the usual kind, in the sense that they seem to swing around and grab my hips.
7 am: Blood flecks in the toilet bowl. Is this the show that everyone talks about?
7.30 am: More blood and staining. This is it, I think!
9 am: I call my gynae and am told to go in for a check.
11 am: Finally get to see my gynae - contractions coming on stronger now (I'm in definite pain!), but not quite regular yet. Gynae says cervix is still closed, but very effaced (thin). She gives us two options - one, to get admitted straightaway, which is boring and expensive; two, to go home and wait it out, and come back when the pains get more regular. We decide to go home.
Noon: Shopping at Novena Square - I'm determined that baby will arrive soon, so I decide to walk as much as possible. It's a funny scenario, trying to shop for my sister's birthday pressie and having to stop every now and then because the pains make it difficult to walk.
1.30 pm: Can't take it anymore - we decide to head home so I can rest.
4.30 pm: We start timing my contractions and recording them on paper. The pains are difficult to walk and talk through now - 9 minutes apart.
6.30 pm: 6-7 minutes apart.
9 pm: We are seriously thinking of going to the hospital, because the pains are coming at intervals of 5 minutes or less now, and I can't take a step when they happen. But then I take a shower, which somehow slows things down, so I end up back at 8 minutes apart.
10.30 pm: Hunny is getting really stressed and upset at me. He wants me to go to the hospital because the pains are really bad now, but I refuse, wanting them to get closer before we head off, determined not to be sent home again. We make a deal - agreeing to wait till after 12 midnight.
Sunday, 15 July:
12 midnight: I think, "If this isn't the real thing, I don't know what is." The pains are strong and quite unbearable now. We decide to head off to the hospital.
1 am: Arrive at hospital. Hunny does registration while I get undressed and get prepped (like have an enema, among other things). Nurse/midwife tells me my contractions are 5 minutes apart and I'm 1.5 cm dilated. I can't do much except nod at her in pain.
1.30 am: In the delivery room now. I grip hunny's hand real hard to get through the pains. No talking or joking now. I look blankly around for some pain relief but find none. Somehow the pain has dazed me so I'm unable to ask for pain relief. I figure it's too soon to ask for an epidural, so I grimly soldier on.
3 am: Midwife checks - I'm 2 cm dilated (only!) - I give up and request for an epidural. Gynae comes in. Breaks my waterbag in the middle of my contraction - the most traumatic experience of my life.
4 am: Epidural administered - bliss! I feel the contractions but not the pain - cool! I try to sleep but sleep doesn't come. Hunny snores gently in the chair beside me..
7 am: Cervical check - 5 cm dilated. Nurses joke that my baby doesn't want to see them, but wants to see the morning shift nurses instead, who take over at 7.30 am.
8 am: Doctor pops in - she's nicely dressed. Makes some comment about how she probably can make it to church and be back before my baby arrives. Not funny. But then she checks me and finds that I'm already there! Can start pushing now! I'm so not mentally ready, and I'm dead tired. Exhausted. I keep yawning. Pushing starts, with nurses yelling at me and I start to hyperventilate because I'm so so tired! I feel like sleeping in between contractions. Doctor turns off my epidural because she says I need to feel the pressure to push. Yikes!
9.02 am: Baby Cherise comes through - finally! It's surreal looking at her and thinking that she just came out from me.. I wonder vaguely what my tummy looks like now that she's out, but I'm too weak to move a muscle. Happy and exhausted.
Here are some photos from that day:
Machine to monitor my contractions and baby's heartbeat (note the hand gripping the side of the bed - that's mine):
Happiness after the epidural!
My beautiful baby!
Baby Cherise weighs 3.02 kg. You can see the moulding of her head here - this cone-shaped moulding is quite typical for a baby born face-up, apparantly. Babies born face-down go through a different sort of head moulding.
All bundled up!
My little Korean-looking baby...
Mother and baby back at the ward:
Proud daddy!
We're all back home now.. it's been a madhouse! But we're all adjusting - baby's settling in, and I'm even finding the time to blog. Will update more later!
We finally got baby's chinese name settled on yesterday. I confess it's something I haven't been putting much emphasis on. Yeah, yeah, roots and all that, but to be honest, I've never really cared for the language or the culture. Not when it was the source of so much torture throughout my schooling days...
I would have been quite happy if our daughter didn't have a chinese name. Better to not have one than to have one like mine, eh?? but hunny's quite a traditionalist.. *shrug*
We settled on the name qian ling which was kindly suggested by my sister. With help from Ade we managed to figure out the chinese characters. Then came the problem. What was the name in teochew? Baby's dialect name will be put down in her birth certificate, and we hadn't a clue what the teochew translation was. So we made a call to hunny's uncle - teochew expert! - the result was surprisingly pleasing. Loh Cheng Leng. Quite a nice ring to it, eh?
It only occurred to me later that night that baby's initials would be quite weird - CLCL. Hmmm. Those of you who already know what we've decided to name baby will know what the first C stands for. But we're still keeping the name rather private for now. It's something special to us, see. And I absolutely refuse to have other people making weird comments or insulting remarks about what we've decided to name our baby - which remains solely our and God's prerogative.
Maybe I'm being exceptionally prickly right now, but different people are starting to get on my nerves.
Don't tell me to pray more about my baby's name. Just because I don't want to tell you doesn't mean I haven't prayed or decided.
Don't touch my tummy, unless we're friends enough to swap phone numbers.
Don't touch my face.
Don't kick my new birkies. I love my birkies.
Sigh. I think I'm just bad-tempered at the moment. Better to stay at home and be a hermit for now. The waiting is taking its toll on me. But not long more, I console myself! We'll be seeing baby within the week!
Note: Hunny dreamed of baby the other day. He said she was really cute, with big eyes but not so much hair. Me? I hope baby has lots of hair. And is fat. Heh. Fat babies are cute. With hair. :)
This next project I actually started some time back, but couldn't finish it till today. It's a door ornament - frankly, I don't know what to call it, so I'm just going to call it a door ornament because it's meant to decorate the door of my baby's bedroom.
This project was scraplifted (aka: copied) from the Foof-a-Life book I bought. It's rather easy to do:
1. Get a metal tin cover.
2. Sand the inner and outer rims (so the paint will hold), and the "inside" - where the word "BEBE" is.
3. Paint inner and outer rims with 2 coats of acrylic paint, drying after each coat. Go for a third coat if necessary.
4. Decoupage patterned paper onto the "inside".
5. Cover all painted surfaces with decoupage medium. This is to seal the paint, so that it won't scratch off the metal.
6. Embellish with flowers, lace and glitzy letters.
7. Add ribbon and bead trim around the outer rim.
You're done! Easy eh? Well, easy if you can find bead trim in the stores. I couldn't find bead trim at Spotlight so I had to buy beads and sew (by hand) my own fringe of beads onto bias binding. It's tough working with beads! My hands seem so big and clumsy! But I love the sparkly effect they add to projects. I think I'm going to experiment working with beads more in the future.
Here's how it looks stuck on baby's room door:
My preggie friends - if you can find a metal tin cover like the one I used, I'll make one for you too! :)
Here are some pics of a recipe portfolio I made for my sister's upcoming birthday. I actually finished this quite some time back but didn't want to post the pics because she hadn't seen it yet.
This is for her to store her recipes.. she's such a budding chef!
The inside of the portfolio:
The back:
I liked this portfolio a lot. I've got another plain one to alter, but I haven't the slightest idea what to do with it. Maybe my mojo will come back after I deliver! Ideas, anyone?
Woke up today (Thurs) and just wanted to wallow in misery. Wanted to spend the whole day in bed moping. I nearly did, in fact. I managed to drag myself out of bed at 10.30 am, only to fall back into it half an hour later, wondering, "What's the point?"
But then I decided that I wouldn't give up. After a little chat with God, I got up and proceeded to do housework. Yup! Cleaning house is probably the best exercise I can do at this point. So I put on some good music (worship changes the atmosphere), washed some more baby clothes, cleaned up my study (not a small feat considering the mess I make while scrapping!), vacuumed the baby's cot, folded the clothes, dusted furniture, cleaned the microwave and ironed a whole basketful of clothes.
Ankles and feet were really swollen after that! But I look at my feet and I think, "Red is the colour of defiance!" I love my painted toenails. Never had a pedicure prior to yesterday (Wed), so I chose to have them painted really red for my first time. My dad says they are ah lian but I don't care! Red is the colour of defiance!
Now I'm up at 5 am in the morning (Fri). Couldn't sleep because tummy was getting too crampy. Now, before you get all excited, my tummy gets crampy every night. Every morning the cramps disappear. So. Decided that I wouldn't try to force myself to go back to sleep, so I went prowling around my newly cleaned house. Found this:
Yummy chocolate-covered marshmallows that my sister brought back from Perth. Yay! Happy food. After all, it's a leetle bit easier to stay positive with chocolate in your system. Heh.
I just found this on the internet:
'Optimal Foetal Positioning' (OFP) is a theory developed by a midwife, Jean Sutton, and Pauline Scott, an antenatal teacher, who found that the mother's position and movement could influence the way her baby lay in the womb in the final weeks of pregnancy. Many difficult labours result from 'malpresentation', where the baby's position makes it hard for the head to move through the pelvis, so changing the way the baby lies could make birth easier for mother and child.
The 'occiput anterior' position is ideal for birth - it means that the baby is lined up so as to fit through your pelvis as easily as possible. The baby is head down, facing your back, with his back on one side of the front of your tummy. In this position, the baby's head is easily 'flexed', ie his chin tucked onto his chest, so that the smallest part of his head will be applied to the cervix first. The diameter of his head which has to fit through the pelvis is approximately 9.5 cm, and the circumference approximately 27.5cm. The position is usually 'Left Occiput Anterior' or LOA - occasionally the baby may be Right Occiput Anterior or ROA.
The 'occiput posterior' (OP) position is not so good. This means the baby is still head down, but facing your tummy. Mothers of babies in the 'posterior' position are more likely to have long and painful labours as the baby usually has to turn all the way round to facing the back in order to be born. He cannot fully flex his head in this position, and diameter of his head which has to enter the pelvis is approximately 11.5cm, circumference 35.5cm.
If your baby is in the occiput posterior position in late pregnancy, he may not engage (descend into the pelvis) before labour starts. The fact that they don't engage means that it's harder for labour to start naturally, so they are more likely to be 'late'. Braxton-Hicks contractions before labour starts may be especially painful, with lots of pressure on the bladder, as the baby tries to rotate while it is entering the pelvis. Be aware that if you accept induction on the basis of being postdates, and your baby is in a suboptimal position, you may have a tough haul ahead of you.
[Taken from http://www.homebirth.org.uk/ofp.htm]
Why why why? I've been trying to do all the right things - I hardly lean back when I sit (because it hurts my tailbone); I sleep on my side, not on my back; I scrubbed floors on all fours up till about a month back..
It just makes me want to cry.
It's like everything I've been praying against is coming true.
2 days to 39 weeks, and
my cervix is still closed
baby's head is still high
baby's in the dreaded occiput posterior position (spine against my spine)
I asked my gynae if I could be induced today. We bargained. She said Monday if my cervix was open. It wasn't. So she won't, because there's a high chance I'll end up with a C-section if I'm induced when the cervix is closed.
I have this sinking feeling that my cervix is never going to open in time, and I'm going to have to be induced, and because it won't open, I'll end up with a C-section anyway.
Just like my mom.
Failure to progress.
Failure.
Big fat failure.
Why can't I be normal?
Why can't I, just for this once, be normal like other women?
I got a manicure and pedicure today to cheer me up. It didn't work. Because it's probably a subconscious throwing in of the towel. You see, they take off the nail polish when you deliver - I knew that, but I didn't care anyway.
I think I'm giving up. It's so hard to persevere when you feel like a big fat failure.
