Did you think that men are territorial creatures? Women are far worse.
Let me give you a little glimpse into the workings of female possessiveness. Maybe you'll be able to understand War and Beauty a little better.
One phenomenon I detest: the female friend hanger-on.
What's a hanger-on? A hanger-on is someone who doesn't know when to back off a relationship but still continues to hang on.
When we talk about hangers-on, we usually refer to a guy in particular. Hangers-on would then be certain female friends of his, or even ex-girlfriends who just don't seem to get the message.
My husband is a great guy, and great guys collect a lot of hangers-on.
Hanger-on Type 1: The Displaced Best Friend
Face it, when a guy gets attached, his girlfriend is (or should be) now his new best female friend. When Ad and I first got together, we both entered into a mutual understanding that we would be each other's best friend. Unfortunately, we had to get rid of the old best friend first. Or rather, I had to get rid of this problem. Girl No.1 had enjoyed a rather close relationship with Ad previously, and even though I was now in the picture, wished to continue this closeness. I still shudder when I remember what I had to deal with. "I don't want to share you tonight." Her words, not mine. No lar, it's not some indecent proposition, it's just her saying that she doesn't want to share him with me. But wait, wait - eh, he was never yours to begin with, he's mine! So you have nothing to share actually, right?
Hanger-on Type 2: The Pubescent Flirt
Come on, we've all been there. Puberty - brings with it raging hormones, boobs and above all, a sense of awareness (mistaken or otherwise) that you are powerful because you are sexy. Ahem. So Girl No.2 was this little mei-mei who I believe wasn't interested in Ad in that way but had great belief in her powers of "attraction". So she tried to ask him out for a movie when I wasn't around. Now, Ad and I have a rule. No movies or other date-like scenarios with other people from the opposite sex. So of course, he refused her. She continued her assault - claiming that she and I were friends and I wouldn't mind. Man! In the end, her little bubble got squashed. I wish I could say to her, "Seriously, what do you have to compete against me? You who can't even order a glass of wine legally??? Please. Don't make me laugh."
Hanger-on Type 3: The Faux Friend
True female friends will wish for Ad to be happy. And if being with me makes him happy, then true friends will encourage that. False female friends only have their own selfish agenda - preserve their friendship with the guy, even if it means making him unhappy. How to identify such a female friend? These are the ones who sow discord between the guy and girlfriend. Oh no, they'd never do it openly. Women are smarter than that. It will come in comments like, "I just don't want to see you get hurt." Read in between the lines: Your girlfriend will hurt you. I'm trying to protect you. That's instilling doubt. Very effective.
I believe there are many more types of hangers-on, but I think these three are enough to give any self-respecting girl a big headache. Of all, I think Type 3 is the worst. The most insidious. The most devious. And the most difficult to eradicate. Why? Type 2 is a piece of cake - the guy knows what's happening, feels mildly flattered, but also knows it's not serious. Type 1 is too grasping - in the initial period when a guy gets a new girlfriend, he's quite infatuated with the new girl, so he's quite immune to other women grasping for his attention. So it's rather easy to nip this in the bud. But Type 3... sigh. Won't let up even though you're old and married. Type 3 is difficult because you don't have the guy on your side. "She's my friend!" he'll say indignantly. Also, Type 3 has good camouflage - after all, she apparantly has his interests at heart. So how can you blame her, right?
I've been with Ad for four years now. Three years of dating, one year of marriage. You'd think I'd be free of these hangers-on. I wish. Type 3 still bugs me. And it's even worse, because her words no longer malign a girlfriend, they malign a wife. How is a girlfriend different from a wife? As a wife, I have certain privileges that girlfriends do not have, yet I also have responsibilities that girlfriends do not have. I promised to care for my husband - and that means making sure he's got white singlets to wear to work, his black socks are in his drawer when he needs them and his shirts are nice and clean. So, as a wife, I do all these things as a sign of my commitment to this marriage, and to put up with some idiot saying that she's afraid he'll get hurt is just too much to bear.
